Last Sunday evening after church, Russ received a horrible phone call from his dad letting us know that our nephew Matthias had taken his own life. After much debating we decided to fly the entire family to Iowa for the funeral service this past Thursday. We are so glad we did, as it allowed us to grieve with Philip and Pam and family as well as with the other aunts, uncles, cousins, and friends who loved him. We love this guy so much and he will be missed terribly. What follows is Matthias' obituary and the letter Philip wrote to friends and family.
Matthias Stephen Herman, 22, of Fayetteville, AR and formerly of Des Moines, went home to his Lord and Savior in Heaven when he passed away unexpectedly on January 5, 2020. Matthias had a huge heart and touched the lives of many with his hard work, brilliant mind, and God-given desire and ability to help others. He will be missed beyond measure. Visitation will be Thursday, January 9 from 2 to 4 pm at NorthPoint Church, 9901 NW 62nd Ave. in Johnston, IA. The Celebration of Life service will follow at the church at 4:30 pm.
Matthias was born on October 20, 1997 in Arlington Heights, IL to Philip and Pamela (Bendixen) Herman. He lived in Illinois, Nebraska, and Iowa before graduation from Des Moines Christian School in 2015 and then attending John Brown University in Siloam Springs, Arkansas. Upon graduation in May 2019 he worked as a Marketing Specialist at Branches Mission Lab and in Strategy Support at Field Agent, both in Northwest Arkansas.
He is survived by his parents; siblings, Josiah, Nathanael, Abigail and Kaylan; grandparents, Wayne and Carol Herman, Paul and Betty Bendixen; aunts and uncles, Paulette Bendixen Brown, Thomas (Brandi) Bendixen, Keith (Beth) Herman, Nathan (Tisha) Herman, Renee (Andrew) Olsen, and Russell (Laura) Herman; and many cousins and friends.
Matthias was preceded in death by his paternal grandmother, Georgia Herman and great-grandparents, Verne and Bernice Herman, Esper and Mary Casper, Herbert and Florence Lehrman, and Fred and Nellie Bendixen.
To our beloved family and friends,
It is with great sadness of heart that we must inform you that our second oldest child, Matthias, took his own life Sunday afternoon by killing himself with a gun. It is a tremendous loss for all of us who lost such a loving and kind soul. The question that many of us will wrestle with is why, and the short answer is that the lies that Satan told him, he believed. This is more of that explanation.
We have known Matthias all of our lives as a vibrant and alive person who had a smile for everyone and enjoyed life to the fullest. He was kind and caring and helped so many people around him, even working on projects that would help others around the world. He loved the outdoors and all that God has created. This took him to many back roads, including county, state, and national parks. Many of us enjoyed his wonderful pictures and the stories that came with them.
He was an excellent student in the classroom and made many friends with his classmates (Christian Liberty Academy, LHNE, and Des Moines Christian School) and teachers. He loved his time at college at John Brown University and had many wonderful experiences in the Enactus club, allowing him the experience to compete regionally, nationally, and internationally with & for his school.
He was a wonderful son and a great brother to his siblings. He loved us and we loved him deeply. We have so many tremendous memories of doing everyday things with him. He was deeply committed to being in church and in church activities all of his life. He loved God and counted Jesus as His Lord and Savior. All of these things continue to beg the question of why he would end his life in this way.
Early this last fall Matthias began to share with us that he has had internal feelings and beliefs about being inadequate with who he is. He felt that something might be wrong with his brain because for the longest time that he could remember, he didn’t feel like he had anything to offer to conversation, or plans, or thoughts about deeper things in life.
Those of us who’ve known Matthias for a long time simply know that this was not true, but this lie was deeply planted in his heart by Satan. Intellectually he knew that his identity was in who God had made him and that he was “fearfully and wonderfully made”. However, this truth never reached his heart and soul in the deepest ways that would allow him to be set free.
We saw his sadness at Thanksgiving and had good and honest conversations with him at that time. He promised that he would continue to seek answers and pray about these things that we were talking with him about. A college friend’s graduation present allowed him the opportunity to take a cruise in the Caribbean right before Christmas and when he spent a week with us, as immediate and extended family, during Christmas and New Year’s break time; we had wonderful times with him. We could see a clear improvement in his attitude and his interaction with all of us. We told him when he left and in texts when he got back to Arkansas that it was so good to have him with us and we loved him so much. We encouraged him to stay in touch with us regularly and he responded that he would and that he loved us too.
All of this takes us back to the question of why. Maybe the police officer who confirmed the sad news of our son’s death to us had the best answer we may ever get. She said that sometimes the caring ones carry the cares of this world so deeply in their hearts that they don’t know what to do about all of these things. When they are convinced that no one can help solve that, then they make plans to die and give few or no warning signs and cries for help. All we can do at this point is to entrust him to a loving and caring God who made our wonderful son just the way that He wanted to. We celebrate the 22 wonderful years that God entrusted Matthias to us. Thank you for your prayers and encouragement to us in this deep loss.
Philip, Pam, Josiah, Abigail, Nathanael, and Kaylan Herman
